As I grew up, I only learned about love on
television. My parents had a bad divorce, and my father and mother both made it
seem that love was not real. The love they shared was what they call fake love.
For me, it was an unexpected experience; as a little girl, I thought my parents
were supposed to love each other and be devoted to one another. I used to think
they really did love each other at one point because they have three wonderful
children and even though they do not speak to each other. This is the only
thing they can both agree on, but I was wrong. Seeing how they loved each other
and the times they got along together would become the definition of love for
me. This is what my future relationship should be like, but with the divorce
and nasty parts, I soon came to learn it was not true and that being in a
relationship does not guarantee lifelong happiness. With my boyfriend, my life
changed a little, and I learned a lot about myself. I also got to know that I
do not have to try to love someone to get that love back.
My boyfriend was my first introduction to
love. He was responsible for everything I learned about a relationship (Ghumman
& Ryan, 2015). Our relationship was my first real relationship, and I loved
being on the receiving end of his affection. In those six years, I was with him
constantly, and we developed a codependent relationship with each other, and
for me, it was a perfect relationship because for most of my life, I had been
alone and I did not mind having him in every little part of my life.
I wish my parents could ever think me why
religion discrimination is bad. My support for my boyfriend and his support for
me grew with time despite the fact that we both belonged to two different
religions. In the case of my parents, they also belonged to two different
religions and had their own cultural and traditional values. In my childhood, I
saw them fighting over whose religion is better and how to raise the children.
I always loved speaking to my beloved in this regard, as I wanted him to
understand my feelings and know how important my religion is for me.
I always looked forward to our conversations.
I used to sit with him and discuss things like why religion discrimination
should not be taken into consideration while trying to strengthen this
relationship. I supposed that we told each other both what we wanted to hear
(Theo, 2007). By the second year of our relationship, we were completely
inseparable, and everyone knew it. I spent my high school years with him, and
it was a great experience for me, despite the fact that I had a good amount of
friends who did not care for one another and broke up their relationships due
to discrimination of religion, case, and race.
Amongst the high school experience, you can
always expect insecurities and a roller coaster of emotions. In my case, I had
been through tough times when I lost some of my best friends due to religious
differences. Along with those emotions, love was my strength and my weakness. I
showed love in everything I did. I did not care about what people belonging to
other religions would think of me. I gave my best to my studies, family
relationships, and my friends. I especially shared it with one person who did not
appreciate it and deserve it, and he was my childhood friend. I gave him all my
attention but only received halfback.
I was probably like every girl of my age who
was in a relationship and in high school. I only cared about my education, my
love life and everything in between like the new style or what was in this
season. Being in a relationship during this time bought up a lot of
insecurities, and it kept them floating at the top. Some days, they’d get to me
some days I could care less, but for the most part, I cared about them.
After four years of proms and homecomings
together, we graduated, and there was pressure to see each other and also going
out into the real world weighed down. I moved out, and to Orange County, he
stayed and started going to school too. Our schedules became very busy and not
living near each other caused our times together to be less frequent. It was
normal for us to see each other every day that I thought it would be ok to have
a little distance between us. I did not realize how much energy it had taken me
to support our relationship until I moved.
My childhood friend (ex-boyfriend) started to
use this as an excuse to act really ugly and as a way to guilt trip me into
letting go of all the issues that would come up. He used to abuse me for being
a Muslim, and he did not understand that this could impact our relationship
negatively. If he got caught texting someone else, it was always my fault
because I was not there for him or if you do not come over or let me go over we
are done. It had gotten to the point where he made me feel like I was not good
enough, all the emotional and mental games he played were starting to weigh
down on me. He abused me physically as he wanted me to forget my religious
values and do whatever he said in terms of praying. I stopped eating to try to
be perfect like all the other girls I’d find while going through his likes. I
lost control of my academics while trying to keep my relationship together. I
basically felt lost and hurt, but I just could not seem to walk away from him.
I just told myself he is doing this because he loves you and he just misses
you.
After some time, I convinced myself that
maintaining our relationship was going to have a good outcome and that there
should be no religious discrimination. These were only bumps in the road. Even
after that, it just got worse, and we were hanging on by a thread. I think it
was lust and not love. After a while, it was the thought of each other that we
liked. Finally, it came to the last straw, and I could not take it anymore; I
was hurt mentally and emotionally. It was best that I walk away. Internally, I
was pretty vulnerable, and it was my first relationship. With that being said,
I think that what could keep both of us together is our religion. If I had
embraced his religion, things would have not been the same. The fact is that I
did not like being alone, and I craved attention, and so did he. That is
exactly what made us so toxic for each other.
It took me a whole year to try to break
things off with him. Mainly because we had had great times together, but he was
also the reason I had some of the worst days of my life. Remembering that he
was a big part of my life for six years made it feel like there was something
worth saving. Our worlds revolved around each other, and it was scary to think
about my life without him. I had no friends left, and I once decided to embrace
another religion in order to be accepted by the Western world.
After that heartbreak rather than mope
around, I feel bad for breaking off something that was un save-able, and I
focused back on myself and learned about self-love. I learned that I should
never have to stay in situations I did not want to be in and that I do not need
someone to love me based on what my religion is. I know I am loved, and my
friends helped me understand that his excuses did not justify what he was
putting me through. I learned that I deserved every bit of love that I poured
out into the universe back. I was going to work on myself for me and not for
anyone else.
It was more about self-help now. I had
stepped out of a world of hurt and into this world of encouragement and growth
as a person. It meant if I need time to myself or if it helped to be alone I
could have my alone time and my friends would understand. My friends definitely
helped me learn to love myself because they didn’t judge me for not wanting to
talk to them or hang out. It is all just part of growing up. I know we’re all
here for each other even if we don’t talk and aren’t physically invested in
each other’s lives.
Sometime after the heartbreak and the
learning to love myself, I can reflect on the fact that I know my worth and
that it was the best thing for him and for me.
I’ve met someone who understands me and accepts me for who I am, he cares
more about me going to school and focusing on myself even if that means we
don’t get to see each other all the time. Every time I look at him I’m reminded
of all the love I had been missing. I finally feel good about myself and my
future.
In conclusion, I would like to say that when
you love someone, you should never ask them about their religions, class or
beliefs. I think that love should be unconditional and that while developing
relationships or marrying each other, we should not take religious discrimination
or differences into account. My life could have been better if I embraced his
religion, but I did not do so as I wanted him to love me based on who I am, not
on what is my religion or caste. If such things are to be taken into account,
then there is no need to say I love you to someone. My parents broke up due to
the same reason, and my own life became miserable when I was judged based on my
religious values. In short, I can say that the problem of religious
discrimination should be solved at a good level so that people like me who move
to other countries for finding peace of mind and success are not given tough
times.
References
Religious Discrimination and
Religious Freedom at Work. (n.d.). Religious Freedom, Religious
Discrimination and the Workplace. doi:10.5040/9781472564313.ch-001
Theo, V. B. (2007). Racial and
Religious Discrimination. Max Planck Encyclopedia of Public
International Law. doi:10.1093/law:epil/9780199231690/e865
Ghumman, S., & Ryan, A. M.
(2015). Religious Group Discrimination. Oxford Handbooks Online.
doi:10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199363643.013.11
Seeking a Definition of
Religion and Belief. (n.d.). Religious Freedom, Religious
Discrimination and the Workplace. doi:10.5040/9781472564313.ch-002
Fox, J. (2019). Religious
Regulation: Discrimination Against Religious Minorities. Oxford
Research Encyclopedia of Politics.
doi:10.1093/acrefore/9780190228637.013.839
